Monday 30 July 2012

Kesuweyan angka 4.





Bagi orang Cina, nombor 4 banyak suwey. Itu nombor mati maa....

Tu sebab kebanyakan bangunan tiada tingkat 4. Tingkat 1 ada. Tingkat 2 ada. Tingkat 3 ada. Tingkat 5 ada.

Tingkat 4 diganti dengan 3A.

Begitu juga dengan nombor rumah.

1, 2, 3, 3A, 5
11, 12, 13, 13A, 15


Yang menjadi kemusykilan aku satu jek. Dorang kalau kigha duit, bunyinya lebih kughang camni ek...

Satu latut (ratus)
Dua latut
Tiga latut
Empat latut
Li...

Sori ek...
mana perginya Tiga A latut?
kenapa ada Empat latut?

Aku dah tanya ghamai kenalan berbangsa Cina. Kenapa duit, angka 4 tak suwey?

Setakat ini hali, wa cakap sama lu, tak a jawapan yang gue dapat.

Top 10 sebelum ada fb...






1. Kita tidak perlu beritahu kebaikan yang kita lakukan.


2. Kita mengumpat pada skala kecil-kecilan.


3. Kita kurang mahir menokok tambah cerita sensasi.


4. Kita tidak tahu menjatuhkan hukum.


5. Kita yakin pada kebenaran.


6. Kita menolak fitnah.


7. Kita banyak berdiam.


8. Kita tidak tahu mencipta dan memberi nama gelaran yang kurang baik.


9. Kita tidak tahu pun begitu kasarnya bahasa orang Islam.


10. Kita tidak mahir menjadi penyambung fitnah.

Hiring an employee.









If you are the interviewer, I suggest that you gather your potential candidates in a few small groups and throw them this thought provoking argument and ask them to deliberate on it.

"THAT AN EMPLOYEE CANDIDATE NEVER LOOKS BETTER THAN THE DAY YOU INTERVIEW THEM".

I wonder what the candidates would say in front of you?






Sunday 29 July 2012

I desperately looking for a job.

Would you employ me?


Resume Quotes:

- I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
- I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0, computor and spreadsheat progroms.
- Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
- Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
- Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
- Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
- It's best for employers that I not work with people.
- Let's meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.
- You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
- I am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
- I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
- Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.
- I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
- I am loyal to my employer at all costs.
- Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
- I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.
- My goal is to be meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
- I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
- Personal interests: Donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
- Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store. Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as job hopping. I have never quit a job.
- Marital status: Often. Children: various.
- Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Could not work under those conditions.
- The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
- Finished eighth in my class of ten.
- References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.













Would you?
Please!
hehehe

Being grateful








Look back on your list of achievements at the beginning of
every day.

Doing so can be a powerful source of
encouragement and a great way 
to kick off your day.

Wednesday 25 July 2012

Are you ugly?



http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2012/7/25/nation/11726353&sec=nation


To spot the Ugly Malaysian, all you need to do is look in the mirror.
All of us have been guilty at one time or another of behaving like the Ugly Malaysian.
A casual toss of a cigarette butt out of the window, a surreptitious flick of a candy wrapper into the corner when no one is watching. These are just some of the milder atrocities.
The Star's articles on the ugly habits of Malaysians have struck a chord among readers, judging from the feedback we have received in bulk.
And there is plenty of finger-pointing. It's always the other guy.
The idiots who rush into the lift as soon as the door opens, without giving the occupants a chance to exit.
The shopper who changes her mind about buying the packet of choy sum in a supermarket but is too lazy to walk all the way back to the perishables section to return the item, so she stuffs that package into the rack at the nearest aisle.
Diners with kids who drop food on the floor of a restaurant, leaving behind a mess. It's something they don't do at home but eating out gives them the licence to act like slobs.
You are being courteous by holding the door for the person behind you but he just saunters past without so much as a glance at you, what more a word of thanks and you are left feeling like a doorman.
We are talking about educated urban folk here and they can be downright ugly. Everyone has a horror story to tell; there are anecdotes aplenty about rude encounters with the Ugly Malaysian that can set your blood boiling.
And inevitably, everyone says that people must change their attitudes if we are ever going to be a progressive society.
In the face of such rampant ugliness, how do we even begin to make changes?
It appears that all these years of Civics lessons and Moral Studies in school have had little effect. Malaysians of different generations still behave the same. Perpetually late for wedding dinners. Failing to RSVP. No reply to show that they have received your message, e-mail or SMS. Not saying “thank you” after they have been served.
But we don't need millions to be spent on courtesy campaigns where some big shot is invited for the launch and the organisers pin button badges with smiley faces on each other.
We simply start with you and me. Remember the saying: Physician, heal thyself. So stop whining about the next person. Take a good look at ourselves because change begins at home.
Making a difference is not just about tackling the big issues such as vandalism, littering, lawless drivers and dirty toilets.
It's also about common courtesy because the irony is that courtesy in our society is far from common. We don't pay much thought to little gestures that matter a lot to others.
Like letting the lady behind you at the cashier pay first because she has only one item to check out.
Or signalling to the driver who is looking for a parking bay where your car is parked so that he can take your spot.
Or picking up an item for the stranger who dropped it.
When you do simple things like these, you can see how grateful people are for this unexpected show of courtesy.
And you just hope that they take that lesson with them, and pay it forward.





Tuesday 24 July 2012

Incik, kalu nak lauk hari ini, incik datang esok, boleh?

Apa dah jadi dengan 
sistem telekomunikasi mudah alih di negara aku ni?

Macam depa sepakat nak 
kenakan aku laki bini.
Dah hampir sebulan masalah ni berlaku. Sms antara aku laki bini 
samada tak diterima langsung 
atau hanya diterima esoknya.

Jadik, semalam aku dengan bini aku 
buat eksperimen. 
Aku antau satu sms kat bini aku. 
Pepagi tadi lepas subuh hp bini aku berbunyi. 
Dia tergelak besau. 
Maka teori kami adalah betul.

Kalau kami nak antau sms untuk esok, kami kena antau pada haghi ni.

u/p: Celcom, Maxis dan DiGi

Sunday 22 July 2012

Tip menghangatkan kamar tidur anda - Bahagian 2

Kali ini, betul-betul serius.

Ambil halia, sebesar ibu jari, dihiris-hiris.
Masukkan dalam kole dan diisi air dua gelas besau.
Letakkan di atas dapur dan nyalakan api.
Masukkan halba, ikut suka hati anda.
Campakkan mata kucing kering 10 biji.
Campakkan kurma merah 10 biji.
Campakkan kurma hitam 10 biji.

Renehkan campuran hingga mendidih.
Tutup kole tapi jangan dipadamkan api dapur.
Kecilkan api dapur.
Biarkan selama 10 minit.
Campurkan gula melaka, ikut suka hati anda.

Ambil dua mug.

Bahagi dua isi dan air minuman.
Anda ambil satu mug, dan beri pada isteri anda satu mug.


Sambil minum, bagi hint yang anda hendak hangatkan kamar tidur.
Kalau isteri faham, beruntunglah anda.
Kalau isteri tak faham, cakap ajer terus terang.
Laki binilah katakan.

Selamat mencuba.

Tuesday 17 July 2012

Drive safely vs Enjoy responsibly.














Ramadhan datang lagi.



Assalamualaikum.,

Bersempena dengan kehadiran Ramadhan
Jutaan keampunan saya pohonkan
Sepuluh jari saya susunkan
Salah silap harap maafkan
Makan minum harap dihalalkan
Kekasaran bahasa harap diampunkan
Peluang datang lagi untuk proses pembersihan
Tiada perlu memorandum untuk diserahkan
Tiada demonstrasi hendak diadakan



Berperanglah kita dengan hawa nafsu
Menahan lapar dahaga hingga lesu
Menggagahi semua ujian itu
Mengabdikan diri pada yang SATU
Hanya satu pintaanku
KAU perkenankanlah hajatku 



Ramadhan datang lagi
Suka duka silih berganti
Apa lagi yang dinanti
Beribadatlah sepenuh hati 



Sebulan menahan lapar dahaga
Dari subuh hingga senja
Pelbagai dugaan datang menduga
Terasa nikmat waktu berbuka



- al fahmi-
d3
17 Julai 
27 Syaaban

Wassalam

Tuesday 10 July 2012

How full is your cup?





Just like asking which one comes first? 
The egg or the chicken?

So....


How full is your cup? 
Half empty? 
Half full?

The fact of the matter is 
there is some water inside the cup. 

The most important question is 
what are you going to do with the water?


Some will throw it away. 
Some will leave it as it is. 
Some will add more water.

It does not really matter 
what you do with the water inside the cup. 

Do as you wish as long as 
we do not break the cup.

Yes!

We may argue, we may differ.
While doing that, don't break our unity.

Sunday 8 July 2012

My client plead temporary insanity.







You see ....

Not everyone who gets hit by a drunk driver dies.

Well, some drunk drivers plead temporary insanity to get away with murder.

Yes, not everyone dies from a drunk-driving related accident.

Don't say 'Don't drink and drive'

Instead

'Say NO to liquor'