Your parents and you.

You never knew that you have so many hidden talents and skills until you take care of your ageing and sick parents. I gathered this information from the 'support group' of those taking care of their aged and sick parents. I have this support group that I talk to as often I could over breakfast. It helped me tremendously in trying to come to terms when my mum was very weak after her operation. Then my father started to become dependent in recent months. Even though not totally dependant, still certain things we have to help him.

With time you realised that you've become a good listener. You've got to really pay attention just to understand what they are saying. At some point you will play the 'guess the word' game, only this time around you have to guess how many consonants and the words itself.

You know that you can be patient. You have to. It is the most important characteristic that you must have when taking care of aged and sick parents. Spending some quiet moment with them help you realise what's important. You reorganise your priorities. You make some sacrifices. Personal life is a luxury now. It's ok. Maybe you can catch up sometimes in the future. Spousal support and understanding really helps. Sometimes you enrol your children to help. Any help from your family members in taking care of your parents will lift some burden of your shoulder.

'When one of them or both become dependent, you found yourself doing the job of a nurse, hospital attendants, cleaners, psychologist, admin clerk at the information centre, personal assistant, etc etc etc. You need no certification to do what you are doing for your parents. Yet you will be judged by others. Those who judged you claim to know how to treat and care for ageing and sick parents. The funny thing is that, they were seldom around. That's life.' said my breakfast buddy. This friend of mine has got both legs amputated below the knee because of diabetis, and currently going for dialisis three times a week while going for treatment for his heart. He is dependent on his wife. They have four children, all girls. Two already married and the other two are still studying. And they are taking care of her mother for the past few years. I have the utmost respect for this guy and the highest admiration for his wife.

One of the best advice I received recently from a friend. In his test message, he wrote. 'just smile and keep your mouth shut when taking care of your parents.'

Bye for now.